He is never too busy

This is our story right now, this is our story right now, this is our story right now. I wake up daily thinking, "Is this really happening? Is this really OUR story?" Yet, amidst this nightmare of a reality we are facing, we feel joy and hope. The kind you feel when you walk outside on a perfect summer day and there is not a care in the world. How can we still feel this kind of joy during these times? I have realized that I have been feeling more hope the more I get to know who God really is. I’ve been learning to cry out to Him in times of anger. I have been weeping in His lap asking Him for real answers. I’ve been learning to be real with Him. No more faking. No more saying, “I’m fine,” when I’m not. I have nothing to lose, so here I am Lord, all of me, the good and the bad. Over the years I have built this wall up around myself. It’s hard to let people in. It’s hard for me to be real and express my real feelings to others. I have bad habits of saying, “Everything is ok,” then getting in my car and losing it. I have found myself, on many occasions, driving down the freeway weeping then telling myself, “Suck it up, your fine.” Does God really want me to weep in silence, alone? No.

He wants all of me, not just the thankfulness and joy. He wants and loves it all. This last week I have been practicing being me, being honest with how I feel. By doing this I have been getting to know God on a different level. I am falling in love with a God who is good, shows beauty, love, trustworthiness, is self-sacrificing, and forgiving. He is powerful and caring and is only out for my good. He wants to hold me in His arms and cradle me as his daughter. But, if I don’t cry out to Him and tell Him I’m hurting I will miss out on curling up in His lap and feeling the overwhelming comfort He has for me, Lydia Sue Rosene, His favorite.

I choose to wake up everyday, crawl into His lap and be me. I choose to be real and except the unconditional time and love He has reserved just for me. He is never too busy!

My precious Charlotte,

You aren’t even born yet and you are teaching your mama so much. I can’t wait to kiss your face all over, count your fingers and play piggy with your toes. I can’t wait to brush your hair and dress you up. I can’t wait to get our nails done together and have picnics in the park. I can’t wait to teach you all about Jesus and pray with you everyday. But most of all I can’t wait to hear you cry out, “Mommy,” and run into my arms. You are my dream come true little one!

XOXOX,
Mommy